Date Everything! Review

Throughout my years of playing video games, I have never personally been drawn to dating simulators, but I always figured I was probably missing out on an awesome genre. So, when I saw Date Everything! I found myself curious, but how could I not be? Talking to animate objects? What a wild concept, and I can date them? Well, a dating sim has finally got my attention, and it certainly kept it as I went around my house talking to personified objects.

Date Everything! is a sandbox dating simulator where, before jumping into the dating world, you’ll fill out an employment application listing your name, pronouns, and city of residence. Date Everything! is about you, finally getting a job your friend Sam got you in on, only for you to be fired on your first day because AI took it. As you’re fired, you get a message from a mysterious hacker called ‘tinfoilhat’ on Thiscord, and suddenly a drone has zeroed in on your house, trying to burst through your windows and finally your front door. But it wasn’t empty-handed – a package was left with new Valdivian Tech known as Dateviators (dating aviators you, get it?). And thus, your object dating life begins.

After this cutscene, you put the Dateviators on, and Skylar Specs materialises right in front of you. She explains that she is the very glasses you have on and gives you a nice, in-depth tutorial. You learn that the lenses of the Dateviators allow you to ‘Directly Acknowledge a Thing’s Existence,’ better known as ‘DATE’. She introduces you to a couple of characters, such as Dorian the Door and Phoenicia the Phone, and then encourages you to look around and date your objects. This feels slightly odd at first, but quickly becomes a part of your everyday routine. And of course, you uncover more about the Valdivian Tech along the way, and why you received these magical glasses.

I’m still scared

Dating objects is the simplest thing in the world, thanks to the easy controls and quirky characters around your home. All you need to do is walk around with your Dateviators on and awaken one of five objects a day you’d like to check out. There is a glasses-on and off mode, which allows you to interact with the object as they are, like turning on the faucet, and switching the lights on. There is no overthinking in Date Everything!, only when trying to figure out where all your objects are. This can become a bit of a brain scratcher. Although it’s a nice change not having everything at your disposal, if you are struggling, some characters like Maggie the Magnifying Glass will help you out with clues to find others (and you can date her too of course).

In Date Everything! there is a massive cast of characters (specifically 100) to discover. All with various personalities, each featuring an in-depth story, and thanks to your Date-A-Dex, you can keep all that up-to-date information in one place, including collectibles. Some objects are sweet, others are rude, and some are just downright in love with you. However, a handful of characters may be harder to stomach, and luckily, there is a content feature that will pop up when something triggering might be featured in a character’s story or attitude.

Your phone also has a selection of helpful apps to track your progress. This includes Roomers, which keeps a list of other objects you haven’t found, and SPECS, which are points you gain each time you obtain the Love, Friendship, or Hate status with a character for the first time. These points will then go to one of five categories: Smarts, Poise, Empathy, Charm, and Sass. Once you’ve gained the right number of points, you’ll unlock advanced dialogue options with objects, but some might need more points than others.

She’s my biggest fan!

Throughout the course of awakening objects, you’ll get messages on WRKSPCE and Thiscord to break up the gameplay. Although it isn’t much, it’s a nice touch the game gives to keep you reminded of the ‘real world’ and to discover more about the Dateviators. Luckily, you won’t need to keep an eye out for the notifications from your in-game phone, as the game physically won’t allow you to sleep without checking it. How thoughtful.

Date Everything! Is full of amazing voice actors, and known ones too. These include Felicia Day, Ben Starr, Neil Newbon, Dante Basco, Ashley Johnson, and the two Dungeons and Dragons masters, Matthew Mercer, and Brennan Lee Mulligan. But we can’t forget the narrator, who sticks with us the entire way through, describing every little thing that happens, good or bad. It’s truly immersive thanks to the dedication these voice actors have shown.

The music featured with each object is just as amazing as the voice acting. Every object has a theme associated with them that perfectly fits their personality. I couldn’t help but laugh when certain characters even featured literal sounds associated with their object. Such as rubber duck quacks, alarms sounding, clocks ticking, and toilet flushing. It didn’t even seem out of place – it just worked.

Please kill me, tiny pirate

Unfortunately, although Date Everything! kept my attention because there is so much in the game that’s addicting, it can be a bit overwhelming at times. Especially when I tried to figure out where some hidden characters were located. I did not know who I wanted to prioritise in my five choices a day for some time, and briefly forgot about some characters. There are so many to choose from, it’s hard to know who you want to date first.

Although there is a dateable bug in the game, I unfortunately experienced some skipping with my gameplay when talking to some characters. This was minuscule, but it was frustrating when it did happen, as I missed out on some interesting conversations and dialogue options. Despite these quirks, there is a huge replayability to Date Everything! thanks to the advanced dialogue options and three relationship statuses. There are tons of characters that could potentially be added in the future, since objects are infinite. I wouldn’t be opposed to new faces in my house, as Date Everything! made the time fly by.

My favourite part of Date Everything! was the names of each character. Every one of them is named after their object, such as Telly the TV, Jean-Loo Pissoir the Toilet, Dishy the Dishwasher, Curt and Rod the Curtains, Tyrell the Towel, Celia the Ceiling, and Chance the D20, just to name a few. And because of this, naturally, there are a lot of puns in the names and the dialogue; it’s part of the game’s charm and every object’s personality.

What a cutie

Final Thoughts

Date Everything! is a fun experience where you can truly date everything – from your computer to your sink, to that teddy bear you’ve kept for years. This dating simulator is a great introduction to the genre, and it makes the time fly by when playing. Each character you come across is a new object with a unique personality, and it is such a blast discovering all 100 of them. Has this game made me question every object in my home in the real world? Absolutely. Now I can’t help but think what personality my shower has and if my bin hates me. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Reviewed on Xbox Series X // Review code supplied by publisher

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