Tight in the Jorts: September 2017 Edition

Tight in the Jorts: September 2017 Edition

Jorts. Half jeans. Half shorts. Half uncomfortable tightness for the sake of fashion. We’ve all worn them and know of the dangers of getting too excited while sporting a pair. Uncomfortable tightness can become dangerous blood flow constriction in the blink of an eye with the right stimulus. Every month we’ll let you know what games threaten the structural integrity of our collective jorts, feel free to chime in.

September 6th: Knack 2 (PS4)

September 6th: Destiny 2 (PS4/Xbox One)

September 6th: LEGO Worlds (Switch)

September 9th: Monster Hunter Stories (3DS)

September 12th: Rayman Legends: Definitive Edition (Switch)

September 14th: Pro Evolution Soccer 2018 (PS4/Xbox One)

September 15th: Divinity: Original Sin 2 (PC)

September 15th: Dishonored: Death of the Outsider (PS4/Xbox One/PC)

September 15th: NHL 18 (PS4/Xbox One)

September 15th: NBA Live 18 (PS4/Xbox One)

September 15th: NBA 2K18 (PS4/Xbox One/Switch/PS3/Xbox 360)

September 16th: Metroid: Samus Returns (3DS)

September 19th: Marvel vs Capcom Infinite (PS4/Xbox One/PC)

September 22nd: Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of DANA (PS4/PS Vita)

September 22nd: Project Cars 2 (PS4/Xbox One/PC)

September 22nd: Guild Wars 2: Path of Fire (PC)

September 22nd: Pokémon Silver/Gold (3DS)

September 22nd – Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2 (Switch)

September 22nd: Pokkén Tournament DX (Switch)

September 26th: Fallout 4: Game of the Year Edition (PS4/Xbox One/PC)

September 26th: Raid: World War II

September 28th: Total War: Warhammer 2 (PC)

September 28th: Redwall: The Warrior Reborn (Early Access PC)

September 29th: FIFA 18 (PS4/Xbox One/Switch/PS3/Xbox 360)

September 29th: One Piece: Unlimited World Red (Switch)

September 29th: Cuphead (Xbox One/PC)

September 30th: Yo-kai Watch 2: Psychic Spectres (3DS)

It’s no coincidence that sports and jorts rhyme; there is no better way to tackle any competitive match (be it handegg or foosball or whatever the kids are doing these days) than in a pair of these tight denim bad boys. Better yet, keep the jorts, ditch the outdoors and play from the comfort of your couch! Yes, as is tradition, September is wall-to-wall sports, but that that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few other titles that will still get your janties in a bunch if throwing and/or kicking balls isn’t your jam.

Can you smell that? That’s the smell of freshly cut grass, freshly zambonied ice and freshly washed sport jorts. That’s right it’s sports season, and each year as the calendar flips over to September a slew of annually released sports titles are deployed to the masses with often nothing more than a few gameplay tweaks and some roster changes. The two sports titles that take my fancy this month are EA’s FIFA 18 and NHL 18, two of my favourite sports franchises that have eaten a lot of my time over the years. Other than that there are a number of games that tickle my sweet spot this month. Firstly, the Dishonored: Death of the Outsider DLC is one that is on my list (however I probably need to play Dishonored 2 first). As a big fan of Payday, I am keen to see what the former devs have to offer with their WW2 co-op shooter, Raid: World War 2. The only decent Xbox exclusive is also set to release this month in the form of Cuphead, a game whose art style looks incredible. Lastly and perhaps most surprisingly is the release of Redwall: The Warrior Reborn in early access. As a kid I grew up reading the Redwall novels by Brian Jacques, and despite the game being announced a few years back, I never thought it would see the light the of day.

Hi everyone, it’s me – the only person on Earth who genuinely enjoyed Knack on PS4. It was a little generic (at times genuinely frustrating), but it was pretty and charming in its own unique way. I played through it twice, the second time tag teaming with a friend, and it really did satisfy my introductory PS4 hunger. So seeing that a sequel is actually happening I am happy to hear it. Knack was a game that needed a little more polish, and sequels often serve as an outlet to ‘give it another go’ and really show what you are capable of. Go on Knack 2, make my bulge worth it.

Though not a game specifically, I am more than a little turgid for the Dishonored storyline DLC. The narrative of the game itself really captured me, and the hook of the DLC (Killing the Outsider? Holy shit) is more than a little exciting. It’s the kind of incredible premise that you’d imagine *they’d never do that* and then all of a sudden it turns out that is exactly what they are doing. Sure, it may all be a big red herring with some massive ‘gotcha’ moment, but I am willing to take that risk.

Speaking of risks…

I really should just copy this paragraph to my clipboard as September means one thing for me every year: Destiny! It’s no secret I’ve had a constant love/hate relationship with the series. But screw it, I like Destiny. I like coming back to it every year despite not being around afterwards like others, and I enjoyed the beta. Destiny has some of the most memorable social experiences I’ve had in video games and it looks like I’ll be meeting a whole new cast of online friends to play with.

Following on from the trend of standalone release/DLC hybrids (popularised by the likes of Wolfenstein and Uncharted), Dishonored: Death of the Outsider seems to be joining in on the festivities. Described as a standalone experience after the events of Dishonored, the game has you in the shoes of a new protagonist. I am a huge Dishonored fan so I am very keen to jump back in. I actually didn’t want Arkhane to change much between the first and second game and hope this entry follows this design and just give us new toys and playgrounds to kill, hide and blink around.

I am taking a wait-and-see approach to some other titles too. Knack 2, Monster Hunter Stories are on my radar but depending how much time I will have to determine if I get around to them. Furthermore I plan on getting Rayman Legends and Pokken Tournament despite owning them on other platforms already.

Well what can I say? August is now behind us and Hellblade turned out pretty much exactly how I hoped it would. I’ve been in a chipper mood ever since then so let’s bring that mood into September shall we? I originally started on DYEGB as the Destiny guy. I wrote various articles which covered a variety of topic ranging from the issues that I felt Destiny had to breakdowns of some of the (at the time) endgame activities. So it comes as a surprise to no one when I say I am very keen to give Destiny 2 some much needed attention come September 6th. There’s a good chance I’ll be hooked on this game much like how I was with the original. However, when it comes to PC a month later is when my life will likely fall apart. I never really got around to playing Rayman Legends or Rayman Origins, so it without a doubt that I’ll be picking up Rayman Legends: Definitive Edition for the Switch when it releases on the 12th. I do think it’s the perfect platform for such a game, hopefully I enjoy it as much on the go as I did Shovel Knight. The last game I’m keen for in the month of September is Pokken Tournament DX. What’s not to love? Pokemon and Tekken put together? The only issue for me previously was the hardware the game was tied to. There was nothing that would have convinced me to get a Wii U, not even Windwaker HD and Twilight Princess HD. So the fact that Pokken Tournament is being brought onto the Switch makes me exceedingly happy.

Fantastic news, everybody! The dacks-packing madness of August is making way for a much slimmer September, so it looks like I can safely go back out in public without needing at least three inches of clearance in front of me at all times. That’s not to say that September doesn’t have its share of high profile releases on the way, it’s just that very few of them actually interest me. I’m not into sports or racing in any fashion, and I’m still not convinced about Destiny 2, so I’m already saving a lot of time and microtransaction money there. Rayman Legends coming to the Switch is exciting because I consider it the greatest 2D platformer of all time, but I’ve played it to death on other platforms – just give us a new game, Ubisoft! Those guys read Tight in the Jorts, right?

Which leaves me with one truly standout title. A game that will carry me all the way through September, and potentially even beyond. That game, dear beautiful readers of this wonderful website, is Knack 2. Building on the solid foundation that made the original Knack an instant classic, Knack 2 looks set to raise the bar in the only way that could possibly help it to top its predecessor – two Knacks. That’s right Knackers (this is how I refer to true Knack fans), it’s very possible that Sony realised that the PlayStation 4 could actually have been TOO powerful to run the original Knack, hence the nonsensical public perception that the game wasn’t good. Obviously, the only true course of action then is to double the required particle processing power by having two Knacks on screen. This is true genius and creativity at work people, and I will GUARANTEE you all right now, that Knack 2 will be forever remembered as a shining beacon for true innovation in gaming.

Real talk, though, I’m actually super keen for a bunch of indie releases this month. I’m feeling some private tingling particularly around Hob, The Solus Project and the oft-delayed Cuphead, so I guess September isn’t all that bad after all!

When I was asked to write my entry for Tight in the Jorts this month, I jokingly said to just write Destiny 2 in big letters under my name.  Now that I’ve seen the line-up for September, I’m beginning to think that maybe I was right. I’ve never really been a fan of sports or racing games (Rocket League being the phenomenal exception to both) and the rest of the games on the list are leaving the old jorts pretty loose, to be honest. If I can pull myself away from the 50+ hours of PvE gameplay in Destiny 2, I might check out Dishonoured: Death of the Outsider and Cuphead, but they’ll also have competition from my backlog of games released in August. Also, Kieron wants to play Knack 2 co-op so I’m sure I can find five minutes to squeeze him in.

September for me looks like an ideal month to chip away at my crazy backlog. I’m not a lover of sports games or Pokemon, and all the other titles aren’t particularly exciting to me either. Knack 2 and Destiny 2 are games I will definitely check out eventually, but I’m not at all interested in experiencing them yet. The only game that tickles my fancy is Cuphead, a game that I have been raring to play since it was announced about 10 million years ago. All jokes aside, Cuphead looks like my cup of tea, and I can’t wait to get to play it at the end of the month. This month may be lean for my gaming tastes, but there is plenty coming in September to keep the masses satisfied.

Like Zach, I’m a huge sports guy. Just a massive sports guy. I know all the sports. I think they’re all tremendous. I’m very good at sports (games). As you may well remember, last year I turned my back on the most popular sports game in history for its ugly sister, that’s right, FIFA is dead to me and PES is my baby so I’m pretty excited for that. Again like Zach (we’re basically soulmates), I’m keen for Raid: WW2. Yuuuge fan of Payday (even with its issues) and I’m keen to see a similar style applied to a war situation. There are a couple of other games I’m keen for but if I’m totally honest, I’m never ever going to get around to playing them. If I wasn’t so poor, both financially and and temporally, my backlog would be bigger than my jorts are tight but alas, it is not, and they are slightly not. I’ve got uni man, I can’t be playing games all day, man…or can I?!

Who asked for Knack 2? Like, who played that mediocre PS4 launch title and went. “Man, I hope there’s more!”? It’s baffling, honestly. Luckily, September is redeemable. Not by much, but it’s still gonna be a good month. Metroid  makes its return (2D no less!) with a remake of the Game Boy classic Metroid II: Return of Samus. Nintendo have been reluctant to return to this series proper for a very long time, but hopefully Samus’s Return – the most confusing title of 2017 – is good enough to warrant good feedback. Pokémon has a great month to look forward to, with two re-releases coming: Pokémon Gold and Silver for the 3DS e-shop and  Pokkén Tournament DX for the Switch. I hope this is the last Wii U re-release for the Switch, because it’s becoming a bit of a joke. I know that the Big N want to pretend that the system didn’t exist because nobody bought it, but I did buy it! Painful. Total War: Warhammer 2 arrives this month as well, marking the second time I break a personal embargo this year. I hate SEGA so much, but I love Warhammer even more. What do I love more than Warhammer? CUPHEAD. IT’S FINALLY COMING. IT’S GOING TO BE AMAZING. I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK ABOUT THIS MONTH. IT’S GOING TO BE LIFE CHANGING. I’M GONNA BE VERY ANGRY AT THIS GAME AND LOVE EVERY MINUTE.

What games are you looking forward to this September? Did we miss anything important coming out this month? Let us know in the comments below.

Kieran is a consummate troll and outspoken detractor of the Uncharted series. He once fought a bear in the Alaskan wilderness while on a spirit quest and has a PhD in organic synthetic chemistry XBL: Shadow0fTheDog PSN: H8_Kill_Destroy