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A Warhammer Cheat Tried To Flush The Evidence, Failed Spectacularly

Couldn’t quite dump the offending party

Cheating is a shitty thing to do. In table top gaming, it is a distinctly more intimate – in the sense that you have to stand right in front of your opponent and deploy your duplicitous garbage. This at least lends well to unexpected hilarity when a confrontation occurs, and the explanations begin.

In this case, the cheating at hand ended up being extra shitty – in a literal sense. A toilet was inevitably involved, to hilarious effect.

Now I have heard a couple versions of this story, but in all versions the components remain the same – and the hilarious outcome is always uniform.

Basically, a player at a 40k tournament was running a particularly strong (read: overpowered) Aeldari army – and had a ripper run of luck with rolling for first turn. Dropping mad sixes like they were plates at a Greek wedding. This luck in getting first turn, when combined with a robust army was seeing some decisive victories.

That was until he met an opponent who questioned his dice – and ask if they could be tested. At this point in the story, the order of the events change from person to person – but here are the cliff notes:

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  • A Tournament Organiser is approached, and the dice are questioned.
  • The TO agrees that a salt bath can be done to test them. (A floating dice should show no bias to a particular face)
  • Dice Owner makes a point that it’s silly that his dice will be questioned, offers to simply forfeit so they can avoid the whole malarkey.
  • Someone is sent to procure salt.
  • Dice Owner excuses self to go to the toilet.
  • Dice Owner returns, and dice are now nowhere to be found.
  • Another tournament attendee announces that a toilet now seems to contain a pair of dice, that are too heavy to flush away. 

It like something out of a hyper-specific SNL skit – weighted toilet dice that just won’t go away. I mean, when it comes to committing controversial acts the toilet is an immediate first-stop for many to get rid of problematic evidence. In some versions of the story, the cheater in question basically denies ever owning any quirky dice before any testing occurs; in others they say that the flushing happened after a test confirmed they were screwy – but the outcome is always a pair of dice were found in a toilet after cheating was brought up.

Amazingly, true to their nature the dice were found in the toilet with a roll of a six and a one – a staple for those that enjoy dodgy dice dealings. Sixes are routinely a huge success in Warhammer titles – and a one can be handy for a roll that might be advantageous to fail, as well as being a convenient litmus test when someone accuses you of rolling a little too well.

Hilariously, other content creators that were discussing this amazing occurrence received footage of the immovable toilet dice – warning, flecks of poop are present in the following footage:

It stands to brilliant, hilarious reason that the weighted dice may end up being too heavy to flush away – adding further notes to just how questionable they are.

So it is only fair that I end this write up in much the same way I started it: This is why a toilet was involved – Because cheating is a shitty thing to do.

Is this the best story involving a dunny and dice you have read today? Let us know in the comments or on our social media.

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Written By Ash Wayling

Known throughout the interwebs simply as M0D3Rn, Ash is bad at video games. An old guard gamer who suffers from being generally opinionated, it comes as no surprise that he is both brutally loyal and yet, fiercely whimsical about all things electronic. On occasion will make a youtube video that actually gets views. Follow him on YouTube @Bad at Video Games


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