A Warhammer Cheat Tried To Flush The Evidence, Failed Spectacularly

Cheating is a shitty thing to do. In table top gaming, it is a distinctly more intimate – in the sense that you have to stand right in front of your opponent and deploy your duplicitous garbage. This at least lends well to unexpected hilarity when a confrontation occurs, and the explanations begin.

In this case, the cheating at hand ended up being extra shitty – in a literal sense. A toilet was inevitably involved, to hilarious effect.

Now I have heard a couple versions of this story, but in all versions the components remain the same – and the hilarious outcome is always uniform.

Basically, a player at a 40k tournament was running a particularly strong (read: overpowered) Aeldari army – and had a ripper run of luck with rolling for first turn. Dropping mad sixes like they were plates at a Greek wedding. This luck in getting first turn, when combined with a robust army was seeing some decisive victories.

That was until he met an opponent who questioned his dice – and ask if they could be tested. At this point in the story, the order of the events change from person to person – but here are the cliff notes:

• A Tournament Organiser is approached, and the dice are questioned.
• The TO agrees that a salt bath can be done to test them. (A floating dice should show no bias to a particular face)
• Dice Owner makes a point that it’s silly that his dice will be questioned, offers to simply forfeit so they can avoid the whole malarkey.
• Someone is sent to procure salt.
• Dice Owner excuses self to go to the toilet.
• Dice Owner returns, and dice are now nowhere to be found.
• Another tournament attendee announces that a toilet now seems to contain a pair of dice, that are too heavy to flush away. 

It like something out of a hyper-specific SNL skit – weighted toilet dice that just won’t go away. I mean, when it comes to committing controversial acts the toilet is an immediate first-stop for many to get rid of problematic evidence. In some versions of the story, the cheater in question basically denies ever owning any quirky dice before any testing occurs; in others they say that the flushing happened after a test confirmed they were screwy – but the outcome is always a pair of dice were found in a toilet after cheating was brought up.

Amazingly, true to their nature the dice were found in the toilet with a roll of a six and a one – a staple for those that enjoy dodgy dice dealings. Sixes are routinely a huge success in Warhammer titles – and a one can be handy for a roll that might be advantageous to fail, as well as being a convenient litmus test when someone accuses you of rolling a little too well.

Hilariously, other content creators that were discussing this amazing occurrence received footage of the immovable toilet dice – warning, flecks of poop are present in the following footage:

It stands to brilliant, hilarious reason that the weighted dice may end up being too heavy to flush away – adding further notes to just how questionable they are.

So it is only fair that I end this write up in much the same way I started it: This is why a toilet was involved – Because cheating is a shitty thing to do.

Is this the best story involving a dunny and dice you have read today? Let us know in the comments or on our social media.