Tight in the Jorts: March 2020 Edition

Tight in the Jorts: March 2020 Edition

March 3rd – Tom Clancy’s The Division 2: Warlord of New York (PS4/Xbox One/PC)

March 5th – Murder By Numbers (Switch)

March 6th – Murder By Numbers (PC)

March 6th – Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX (Switch)

March 11th – Ori and the Will of the Wisps (Xbox One/PC)

March 12th – Bless Unleashed (Xbox One)

March 13th – Nioh 2 (PS4)

March 13th – My Hero One’s Justice 2 (PS4/Xbox One/PC/Switch)

March 13th – Borderlands 3 on Steam (PC)

March 17th – MLB The Show 20 (PS4)

March 17th – Kingdom Hearts All-In-One Package (PS4)

March 20th – Doom 64 (PS4/Xbox One/PC/Switch)

March 20th – DOOM Eternal (PS4/Xbox One/PC)

March 20th – Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Switch)

March 23rd – Half-Life: Alyx (PC)

March 24th – Bleeding Edge (Xbox One/PC)

March 27th – Saints Row IV: Re-Elected (Switch)

March 27th – One Piece: Pirate Warriors 4 (PS4/Xbox One/PC/Switch)

March 31st – Persona 5 Royal (PS4)

March 31st – Mount and Blade II: Bannerlord (PC)

March 31st – Operancia: The Stolen Sun (PS4/Switch)

March 31st – TY the Tasmanian Tiger (Switch)

The past two months have been quite a nice opportunity to clear out some of that old dusty backlog in the attic, with 2020 being quite tranquil in terms of big releases thus far. But if January and February were the quiet kids in class, then March is the loud and proud kid who calls the teacher by their first name and is the only pupil to have started growing a moustache. And just like that kid March is here to steal your lunch money. With so many heavy-hitters landing this March, what’s got WellPlayed’s writers hot under the collared jorts?

Jorts_March_2020_Jordan

March, March, March. What do I do with you? You certainly have no chill when it comes to game releases for me, what did I do to deserve this bombardment? *reads N4G comments regarding me calling Anthem garbage*. Oh, I guess that makes sense. I’ll just deal with it, but why did you have to start off with The Division 2: Warlords of New York? You knew that I’ve been wanting to get back into the game but have refrained from doing so because there just wasn’t enough to warrant a return. This is without mentioning the fact that a mere THREE days after that you have a remake of a personal favourite, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX. I’ve been looking for my original Blue Rescue Team cartridge for months and you just had to drop this now, didn’t you? Yet still, you continue the onslaught and throw Ori and the Will of the Wisps at me. The original is pretty much the only game that made me feel like my purchase of an Xbox One wasn’t a complete waste of money so of course, I’d be excited for Moon Studios’ next entry! There, you’ve destroyed my jorts. Are you happy now? No? Fine, go on I’m sure you can’t throw anything else at me like a sequel to a solid feudal Japan-themed Souls-like game… shit, well I guess I’ll have to play Nioh 2. Surely that’s all you’ve got for me. Oh nice, you’ve got Animal Crossing: New Horizons and DOOM Eternal on the same day? You know what, March? It’s time I told you that I’ve been seeing someone else. Their name is April and they… look like they’re going to hurl the same shit at me…damnit.

Jorts_March_2020_Eleanore

If I’m honest I know my life as I know it is going to end this month. I have been waiting for March for what seems like an eternity now, but the gaming high I have been craving will be mine soon. There are a lot of things coming out this month that if they were coming out in any other bloody month I know I would be excited about to hell and back. I love crime dramas and anime so Murder By Numbers kinda fits that bill with some puzzles thrown in. I loved the original Pokemon Mystery Dungeon so much, so when Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX got announced I was thrilled with the opportunity to return to a great story with shiny new 3D graphics and some new material. But why the hell does it have to come out in March? Any other month would be fine, seriously. All of these games are probably going to haunt my backlog for a good long while though because of the ultimate release of Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Even if nothing else came out this month or for a good long while I would be happy with just this game. This game wants to consume me, and I’m gonna let it. I waited so long for this title to finally get announced and it is almost here! I can’t wait to get my own deserted island, make new villager friends, collect all the things, get some tropical jorts, fangirl over all the amazing changes and customise the shit out of everything. Goodbye everyday life, it’s island life for me now and I don’t care what you think, this game is gonna rock my world.

Jorts_March_2020_Kieron

This month’s list of new video game releases that I’m stoked for seems to be directly inspired by our home country of Australia – the HD re-release of TY the Tasmanian Tiger stars a lovable thylacine, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is set on a remote island full of unique fauna that’s run by a smooth-talking capitalist and DOOM Eternal is a literal burning Hellscape. Sad truths aside, March may be thicc with releases, but at least it ain’t dummy thicc like it would’ve been with Final Fantasy VII Remake still on the cards. Now I might actually have time to check out some of the neat, smaller drops like Moons of Madness and Operencia. Hmm? What’s that? Ori and the Will of the Wisps and Persona 5 Royal?! Faaaaark.

Jorts_March_2020_Kieran

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to get my finger back on the pulse with new releases, if only so I can appear hip to the youths who hang out at the local rollerdrome. But then a wild March appears, and getting across all the titles this month will be a sisyphean task to end all sisyphean tasks. That little blue bastard Ori kicks it all off, but between DOOM Eternal, Nioh 2 and Persona 5 Royal, my kids and partner are very likely to forget what I look like. Bleeding Edge is another potential quiet achiever too, although given its unfortunate release date in such a heavy month, this online arena brawler might run the risk of being a spiritual sequel to Battleborn. Come at me, March.