I was sitting on my couch this afternoon, enjoying WWE’s Royal Rumble pay-per-view, downing handfuls of Crispy M&M’s, when my life flashed before my eyes.
The whole event was sponsored by Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League, so it wasn’t surprising to see the game’s new live-action TV spot crop up after one of the matches. Harnessing the same awkward energy as the live-action Black Ops trailers from the days of old, the spot features Will Arnett as Deadshot and Ron Fuches ironically dressed as Harley Quinn, seeing as he voices King Shark in the animated Harley Quinn TV series.
For the majority of the trailer’s two-minute runtime, we get the expected banter about dad bods and corporate-approved one-liners like “How does that boomerang taste”. At the same time, the star-studded cosplayers try their best to look cool, swinging bats and waving around comically large guns in front of a green screen. So far, so marketing.
But then it happened.
I was midway through my ill-advised fourth mouthful of M&M’s when Will Arnett made an attempt at my life. Respawning after getting lasered in half by Supes, Arnett, dressed as Deadshot, remember, walks toward the camera as he drops the single most cringe-worthy line in recent memory:
“I’ve got too much rizz to die.”
Good grief
Those are real words uttered by Will Arnett with his mouth meat#SuicideSquadGame pic.twitter.com/QzqdThpZgU
— Ash Wayling (@AshWayling) January 28, 2024
Pack it in everyone, that’s more than enough marketing bullshit for one lifetime.
I was chatting with WellPlayed’s own Ash Wayling at the time, discussing how the women’s Royal Rumble match was fun, when this monstrosity occurred, resulting in this warranted reaction from Mr Wayling:
As the title suggests, I genuinely choked hearing this, physically on the M&M’s, but you best believe it was caused by the cringe. Of course, I immediately wanted to subject the WellPlayed crew and some other friends to the horrorshow that got greenlit because it would “appeal to a key demographic,” but all that did was lead to further hilarity.
After a few gulps of life-saving H2O, I jumped onto YouTube and pulled up the TV spot, which is called “Just Us,” for the playing along, ready to relive the wonder before I blast it out to everyone I know. Buuuuuut, that’s when I hit a snag, because the widely-distributed trailer, found on all social media platforms, on all YouTube channels, and shared around by all of the outlets, features a different closing line.
Now, in full fairness, this version wraps up with poor old Will saying “Kal El’s about to get shot in his D,” which is far from champaign comedy, but it’s miles better than what Ash and I were hit with. Now, this trailer debuted yesterday (January 27), which hilariously means one of two things. Possibility A: the original cut of the trailer featured the rizz, and the marketing team rightfully cut the line, but the older version accidentally made its way to the WWE production truck. Or, Possibility B: the execs at Warner watched the TV spot and thought, “You know what, this needs something that relates to kids, what buzz words do we as middle-aged white-collar folk know that will resonate with the youth?” Honestly, I’m not sure which reality is more entertaining.
In any event, here’s the rizz-less version of the TV spot:
I suppose I should mention that Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League release on PS5, Xbox Series X|S and PC on February 2, but all I can think about right now is Will Arnett’s well-being after delivering that line. I hope he’s ok.
If you want some Suicide Squad content that won’t have you screwing up your face like you just licked a lemon, you should read about which eight DC characters that Ash and I think should join the game as post-launch DLC. We took things very seriously, I promise.
Do you feel bad for Will Arnett? Let us know in the comments or on our social media.
