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When you think of Activision and Toys for Bob’s brand new ‘remastered’ version of the original, classic Spyro the Dragon, you think gorgeous graphics, a beautiful soundtrack and tight gameplay.
When I think of it, I think gorgeous wings, beautiful horns and tight… dragon buns.
That’s right, folks. Since Toys for Bob have seemingly gone all-in on designing and rendering the 80-odd adult dragons in the very first Spyro game for the Reignited Trilogy, I’m almost totally obligated to judge, measure and rank them by their attractiveness. Honestly, there’s no doubt in my mind that the character artists fully intended for me to lust after these dragon daddies, just look at their designs! It’s DeviantArt/Tumblr fanart made canon and these dragons deserve to be appreciated for what they are; pure sex objects.
So, in no particular order, let’s look at the cream of the crop of what the Dragon Kingdom has to offer. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you:
The Top Five Most Fuckable Dragons in Spyro Reignited Trilogy
Boris
Alright, you can’t look at this guy and tell me he’s not about some shit. The spiked collar complete with slave bell says it all – Boris is a big ol’ sub. He’s even brought the rope. Boris is from a world called Dry Canyon, which is misleading because he’s making my canyon anything but.
Trondo
Bad boy looks with a heart of gold make for one hell of an attractive proposition and Trondo has both boxes ticked. Honestly, the only thing letting him down is the idea of screaming the name “Trondo” in the throes of passion. Though something tells me that the things he’d do to me would render me unable to vocalise too much, anyway.
Bubba
Sometimes the big-city dragons start to get old, or you’ve just been through so many of them that you start recognising faces on the street. Nobody wants that, so it’s always a nice change of pace to head out and see what the country has to offer. In a farmland full of hot stock, Bubba is the cream of the crop. He’s no country boy, he’s a country man… dragon.
Lateef
Lateef comes in as a bit of an outlier in this group, forgoing the beefcake vibe in favour of a touch of the mysterious. While his looks aren’t traditionally desirable there’s no denying the allure of those beautiful, starry wings or his sassy smirk. The sheer tensile strength in that tail is sure to be a hit in the boudoir too, if you catch my meaning.
Nestor
Nestor is the the very definition of dragon daddy. Those broad shoulders and imposing posture coupled with a kind face make him the kind of dragon you’d love to wake up to every morning. He’s obviously loaded too, based on the way he dresses. Plus, you know under those fancy robes he’s no doubt packing serious heat. Nestor is the first dragon that Spyro rescues from being encased in stone, but I’d happily make sure he stays rock hard.
Of course, you may or may not agree with the choices I’ve made for this list, and that’s fair. I’ll even admit that my tastes are still fairly “safe” and conservative when it comes to human-on-dragon sex. So why not drop a comment below and let me know who you’d pick for the Dragon Kingdom’s top five hotties?
Kieron's been gaming ever since he could first speak the words "Blast Processing" and hasn't lost his love for platformers and JRPGs since. A connoisseur of avant-garde indie experiences and underground cult classics, Kieron is a devout worshipper at the churches of Double Fine and Annapurna Interactive, to drop just a couple of names.
