So just in case you are the last person on Earth who is not aware, the hit mobile sensation Pokémon Go has finally hit the app stores of your mobile device of choice, and so begins a new age of Pokémon. Experience the thrill as 90s kids and children alike flock to the streets, avoiding traffic and pedestrians as they focus on their mobile device in search of the pocket monsters.
Now, I want to be clear – This isn’t a review. Pokémon Go is not a game I can spend 1 day on and provide a any kind of true insight, this is instead a semi-infuriating first impressions – So if you don’t like phone screenshots, TURN BACK NOW.
Early morning – The Journey Begins
On a cold morning before I need to fly out of my island home, I decide to download the app that is taking the world by storm and take advantage of the free WiFi my local airport offers me. I am thrilled to meet the Professor, and less thrilled that he didn’t specifically ask if I was a boy or a girl
I am given my choice in starters, and I make the clear choice of Bulbasaur.
I awkwardly attempt to capture my new friend, with the Augmented Reality camera turned on, meaning I change from a regular adult male enjoying his caramel latte at a coffee shop into a rampaging lunatic waving my phone around like a crazy person trying to figure out where the hell Bulbasaur went. A little girl is both confused and curious.
Finally, with this extremely important decision made, I am now free to BEGIN MY ADVENTURES IN THE (REAL) WORLD OF POKEMON!
Or not.
This screen plagues my entire time at the Airport prior to my departure, annoyingly so during the two delays that are imposed on me. So my start into the world of Pokemon has actually been more of a stall.
Over the next hour I routinely close and re-open the app.
I accept that the game is new, and sadly turn my phone on to Airplane mode ready for my flight.
I finally arrive in my second home of Melbourne, and immediately funnel off the runway and into the waiting arms of a working Pokemon app. The world of Pokemon awaits! I have no idea what I am doing, but the dusty memories of playing the game in the past still apply.
I see no Pokemon, but I see what I assume is a landmark in the distance.
My character awkwardly shuffles places because the GPS goes haywire in the Terminal.
The Landmark in the distance turns out to be a Pokemon Gym.
My good friend the professor makes it very clear that I am a scrub and can’t take on the gym.
NEXT TIME TULLAMARINE TERMINAL 1, NEXT TIME!
I am still yet to actually SEE a Pokemon within the app.
Of course, the moment my friend collects me in his car, Pokemon start to come out of the woodwork something fierce – I can even see that Squirtle makes an appearance!
I also quickly realise that encountering Pokemon in a fast moving vehicle just isn’t a thing that someone does.
I am yet to encounter a Pokemon, but instead I scrutinise and come to understand Pokestops, which are nifty landmarks that exist in the real world, and if you visit them (walk close enough) you can interact with it for free swag! A few churches and the odd sculpture later I am now the proud owner of a healthy collection of Pokeballs.
Upon arriving at Melbourne Museum, I finally encounter a Pokemon. An adorable Psyduck crosses my path, and what follows is the usual hilarity that comes with motion-based controls as I whiff Pokeballs over its head at an alarming rate.
I can see why they are so generous with the Pokeballs now. I am terrible.
During my time at the museum, my phone stayed reasonably silent – However I couldn’t help but notice other people who were playing the game. The urge to photograph these majestic creatures was great, but my better judgement won out and I left them to their devices.
To identify a Pokemon Go player, it is simple. They are the people staring at their phones while walking, then they will suddenly stop for a moment, stare harder, and then wheel off in another direction while squinting super hard at their phone.
Oh, and I found a Tangela in the Rainforest exhibit. Excellent!
At this point we escaped the city, and I could see that the volume of Pokestops and Pokemon Gyms was simply absurd – In a good way. They are frequent, yet spread out enough that you don’t need to worry too much about actively seeking them, It’s quite simple to stumble across them with little effort.
Upon arriving at my mate’s house for the evening, my experience with Pokemon Go devolved into a wretched, writhing hive of the scum of the Pokemon world: the dreaded Zubat. The augmented reality option had turned itself back on, so I found myself under attack while in his car, relaxing on his couch – and later, while preparing dinner.
As the night continued, I quickly came to the conclusion that Pokemon Go is definitely not a static game. It’s one very much designed around people moving and discovering Pokemon in their immediate area. That evening both my friend and I sat on the couch and were under constant assault from the cursed Zubats.
Seriously, SO many Zubats.
Regardless of this middling, and exceptionally odd first impression of the game, it definitely shares enough of the DNA of its true Nintendo-device based form to really sink its claws in me. If you want something to drain the battery of your phone at a rapid pace, and still be exceptionally fun with friends, you should grab Pokemon GO and give it a whirl.
Look forward to a proper review from someone more involved than I am, I think i will continue to be a bumbling mess as I move from Pokespot to Pokespot catching and destroying every Zubat I see.
In the meantime, check out the Magmar I caught outside my bedroom window. Cool huh?
