Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you, the guy writing the status about how you are “SO SICK OF POKEYMANS GO” on your Facebook wall.
Stop. Advertising your apparent dislike for Pokémon Go does not make you cool. I know some of you are throwing around the hate-o-rade because it makes you some kind of pop-culture hipster, and your dislike of the game represents the perfect accessory to make you cool or unique—like a thick woollen scarf or a beret.
But it doesn’t; in a great many ways, it makes you look like a crotchety old fool. Now, I am not alienating those that are crotchety—heck, I have seen a decent amount of them all sounding fairly bewildered that people would be doing something as JUVENILE as running around with their phones out catching imaginary monster things, and that’s fine. They are a product of a bygone age. The concept is entirely alien to them and if they want to wave their canes in the air, and tell young kids to get off their lawn then fair enough. The kids are probably only catching a Zubat anyway. Not to mention as you get older, and your joints get creaky and your genitals stop working, complaining really is one of the few remaining pleasures you have left.
But you, my friend—the person in their late 20s or early 30s—you don’t have an excuse. You are complaining about an app that is doing the following:
- Encouraging people to go outside
- Encouraging people to walk more
- Encouraging people to socialise
- Allowing people to revisit something that was likely a big part of their youth
This is entirely separate to the people who are using this as a platform to do even more great things. One guy has started encouraging people to take a bag and collect trash while they walk for Pidgeys. Another group of people have organised fundraiser walks for major illness charities, and will likely see a huge turnout thanks to people’s renewed interest in doing that ‘walking’ thing. Some kids found a dead body… I mean sure, that’s not the most positive thing in the world for those kids, but hey I am sure there was a family relieved to finally have an answer.
Now, it’s not my job to tell you why the game is good for society in some small part, I am really more here to inform you that you are being a tool, so let’s get down to the facts.
Take a look at Exhibit A:
Who in their right mind could post this and not come across as a total douche-turnip? I mean honestly, it comes across like this:
And that isn’t a good look for anyone. I mean seriously, you come across as subhuman (ouch).
Then there are the people who suffer from ‘Sandcastle Syndrome‘, where a scummy individual is happiest when watching someone work to achieve something, only so they can tear it down in moments. These people are coming forward in many ways, including people using the app to find victims to rob, or even things a little messier:
As much as I wish this image was fabricated, this is something I was privy to discover this morning in a Facebook group that usually sells toys. It’s like people are reliving their high school years, and thinking back to how kids who liked Pokémon back in the day were easily bullied. Only nowadays they are in their 30s, and riding a current gym obsession (seriously) that probably means you’ll get your arse beat by a guy with shitty pants.
Used without permission because I am a scumbag.
The worst part is it’s only been a week. Pokémon Go went live in some parts of the world less than 10 days before this particular article assaulted your eyeballs. This phenomenon has not even reached Frozen “Let it Go” levels of frustration from over-saturation. We aren’t even in the ‘Minions’ level of ridiculousness. And honestly, it’s only Pokémon. It’s been around for decades and I am sure we can collectively build a bridge and get over it together, because really we all want to be the very best, don’t we?
p.s
Yeah yeah I know, obviously I care a little bit.
