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In My Lifetime I Will Bear the Curse of Watching Optimus Prime Drive a Car

I didn’t ask for this

There are things I cannot overstate. One of these statements, is the fact that I consider myself a fairly transparent fan of the Transformers franchise.

I’m an 80’s kid. It’s deep in my blood.

So I figured that the converting robots would make their way to Fortnite eventually – with my expectations specifically calibrated by their spectacular Marvel-flavoured content from seasons past.

Try and understand my shock and surprise when the triumphant debut of Optimus Prime turns out to be a basic-ass skin. Not to mention, a manlet.

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Of course, I understand that implementing a giant transforming robot would come with challenges. The guy is nearly 7 meters tall for one thing – another blatantly obvious mechanical elephant in the room is the expectation of the dude turning into a freaking truck at a moments notice; an iconic move of Prime, right up there with heroically sacrificing himself.

These aren’t simple to solve – but then you take into account the madcap history of shit that has been implemented into Fortnite, like players getting to take control of the Marvel villain Thanos during a match. The sheer scope of features that have been introduced to capture the fantasy of certain franchises has been astounding, so I guess my entitled little ass is just a bit bummed out that my cybertronic dad-figure is …just a bloke. A skin.

And being a skin means ol’ mate is going to do a bunch of rote Fortnite actions that are as normal as breathing. Most of these are straightforward, like bunny hopping and blasting fools before hitting the griddy.

But jumping into a car? Riding a motorcycle? Cursed.

I know I will not be able to resist checking out footage of people roaming the jungle landscape of the Fortnite Wilds update – but I do so knowing that my misbegotten eyeballs will eventually witness something that doesn’t agree with my mind.

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Sooner or later, Optimus Prime will rock up to a vehicle – open the goddamn door, and climb inside.

Does this seem like something worth stressing about? To the casual observer, sure, maybe not. But from the position of anyone who has a deep connection to a beloved character, you accept a stringent amount of DO’S and DO NOT’S that define them. Like, do we enjoy seeing Batman use a gun? Nah dude, that just ain’t it. What about the Joker frowning? CURSED, I say.

And I absolutely feel the same way about robotic truck man jumping into a sedan and plowing through people. It heebies my jeebies. It’d be akin to the weirdness of watching Superman casually jog about shooting folks instead of heroically flying through the air.

At least Supes had a full-blown set of event objectives to unlock him.

It is what it is.

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Now I get to sit and stew about how the Transforming robots of my childhood COULD have been implemented. There are vehicles in the game! What if some of them were robots in disguise! Imagine jumping into a car and it eventually curses you out, turfs you on the street and reveals it was a goddamn Decepticon.

Maybe Optimus would be a unique truck on the map, and the first person to find him could befriend him and take control of a proper big honkin’ rig of a robot?

Aw man. Now I am just making myself sad.

Either way, Optimus Prime is now in Fortnite. And it is safe to assume that further friends and foes will make their way onto the battle bus soon enough.

You will find me here, lamenting what could have been – while also constantly refreshing YouTube for the inevitable ‘ALL DANCE EMOTES ON OPTIMUS PRIME SKIN’ Fortnite video.

Because we all know it’s coming, and I need to somehow summon the personal faculties to process it when it arrives.

How do you feel about Optimus Prime in Fortnite? Do you care even half as much as I do? Let us know in the comments or on social media.

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Edit: And I apologise for using the wordΒ manlet.

Written By Ash Wayling

Known throughout the interwebs simply as M0D3Rn, Ash is bad at video games. An old guard gamer who suffers from being generally opinionated, it comes as no surprise that he is both brutally loyal and yet, fiercely whimsical about all things electronic. On occasion will make a youtube video that actually gets views. Follow him on YouTube @Bad at Video Games

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